Blood and Mud
by Aiko Isari
Summary: She burns her dresses and cute things for many reasons. Legacy-verse, Mirei-centric. Poetry Collection.
1. Dark

_warning for implied self-harm, internalized racism, violence, and sickness._

* * *

1\. Dark

Pink is for scars and flushes

Of sick down the toilet

Not for frills

Not for grace

Not for bloodstains

And sure not for skin like

Tree trunks and eyes

Like cats dance

Not for fake girls.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** _ An Aiko writes poetry! An Aiko is not a good poet so any criticism is appreciated here!

 **Challenges:** Ultimate Sleuth Kowloon 1 - write a drabble or poetry novel/collection, Diversity Writing Challenge C4. write a poetry collection centered around a specific character


	2. Breeze

2\. Breeze

The world loves a whisper like it loves

the songs it taught her in mama's

honey voice that promises miracles

dark girls don't have no miracles

they have to make them

dresses aren't enough heart warming for her.

dragons burn princesses

(but they don't burn _empresses._ )


	3. Dirt

3\. Dirt

Like to splash

In the snow after it's not white anymore because white snow is

For bloodstains

mud is for play and

playing is what cats do.


	4. Loose

4\. Loose

They don't know your father, their hands keep snatching for

yours like rude little boys

(but you are a good little boy, your papa said so

And papa doesn't lie when he means it)

He doesn't lie ever but these people do

For some reason they seem happy about your bleached clean dress.


	5. Hammocks

5\. Hammocks

You trip so much in your shoes unlike your mama

how does she walk like that when you can't even run

she has thousands of years of practice and you have hundreds

of opening your eyes.


	6. Elbows

6\. Elbows

You like the sword but it catches

Elbows catch like macaroni midswipe.

Chase the frills and the fire and uncle

Spins you like a record on a record player, sometimes a bit too fast but

dusty and sweet and he loves they all love you

more than you love yourself

though to be honest that's not very hard.


	7. Close

7\. Close

Curl up when you're an adult or when you're happy

Mama says this in papa's arms

where she sometimes belongs

sometimes he's afraid to hug her too

why is that mama is the most special

of special where will she go away to?


	8. Protect

8\. Protect

You think you love your mama because she's kind and harsh

and your family is kind and harsh and your brother gets yelled at but is it because of the

blood in your hair

or that you don't look cute like a girl

you look like a boy

that kind of makes you feel squishy.

Or maybe it's because they want you safe

they yell because you're not safe

papa speaks softly when he's scared much like your brother

speaks loudly.


	9. Sunlike

9\. Sunlike

Ice that doesn't melt in the sun

Papa used to rain ice rain over you

and you would giggle because

you play with jewelry that way

you are

his favorite kitten

everyone's favorite

they call you a miracle but you are not

miracles end without sacrifices.

you are someone's sacrifice


	10. Mimicry

10\. Mimicry

You're too much like her, you think,

(kinda sorta)

like the girl in the left behind place

the monster girl who was real sweet

bitter eyes

saved you like Halloween candy you've heard of obon

but it's different isn't it?

You can wear a dress on Halloween because it's not the

real you.

You're her with a face and eyes.

Her little doll

borrowing her clothes

when the holiday's over you know what

must

be

done


	11. Shorts

11\. Shorts

The water goes up and up and

 _Squeak_

Cats are not mice quit it!

It's okay if it makes your papa and mama

look like they're safe and loved but it's cold cold

these other clothes are much better.

Can you go without glasses yet?

No, that's for puberty.

Why can you not have to wear skirts but have to wear glasses?

The body is a very strange thing.


	12. Sword

12\. Sword

Your brother-papa's gift is always on your back

you shine it every day

don't let it dull

(one day it must be sharp)

like you read books your mind eats them

the whetstone eats the dullness

the first time you use it is on the liar men because

bare hands

aren't

fast

enough

and you're impatient


	13. Butter

13\. Butter

You're a mess again.

Your parents track the prints on the floor

so easily caught

You giggle.

You shouldn't be allowed to have pancakes.

Or flour

but breakfast in bed!


	14. Bow

14, Bow

It's a bow for your chest and it looks sillier than the fluffy ones

your elf likes to make you

It's purple like your soul and red like your papa and your dress is white and

wholeness is what you are

loved and miracles are what you are and you love the world

the world loves you in return.

You don't burn this,

it matches your heart

you must keep it until the world burns away.


	15. Baby

15\. Baby

Your papa makes a baby.

A baby monster without a sane bone in its body

He makes so many noises

Fussy fuss like the beat wash of the clouds

flapping ear wings and big eyes

curse eyes sometimes

He loves you but why?

You love him but why?

he is small

you are small

but there is a world apart

why?


	16. Universe

16\. Universe

I love you, says the world

I love you, you say back

What will you do for me? Says the world

I will help you, says you.

Then we will cherish you, says the world

And that means you must be prepared to dance.


	17. Click

17\. Click

You've never seen a gun before,

Powdered snow isn't grey.

You're grey purple.

The market man laughs and hands you a cheese wheel

Hunt hunt, he tells you with the shiny metal toy

You scowl.

As if boy-girls cannot hunt.


	18. Flames

18\. Flames

Burn burn.

Bare skin licked by snow and red red cheeks

and fire smokes out all people

Screams can be all choked like asthma too when you wait

in the angry grip of failure.

You burn and don't dance naked you burn and the snow and wind make your clothes fly

and you sing to the world and it sings back a love song you

Never heard before nor want again


	19. Cockroaches

20\. Roaches

Scavenging again.

Cores are rain and nothing else. Selling them makes fake money and it's sad because

villages gave you food until yesterday what changed

Did you not wash off the blood again?

Crying in the forest from hunger again

Home is beyond never never land today but you at least have your shorts and shoes.


	20. Train

_slight posting error in terms of order but it's a collection._

* * *

19\. Train

Shoes suck

Dogs lick hands and cover in fur and that dress flies away too.

Mama and Papa just smile because you aren't asking

doing is better than waiting

no one understands when you wait

do things

Weak or strong

Do the things you don't or die.

Hesitation is death anyway.


	21. Waterfall

21\. Waterfall

Splash splash cold rip

 _They've_ been around every minute you cared

(And some you thought you didn't)

and sometimes they call heart-warm words

(Or cold hearted shouts)

and sometimes they cry on your shirt

and all of those times they are yours and no one else's

except now

now they're just being _butts_.

Splash splash

You liked this shirt.


	22. Friends

22\. Friends

Not alone now because

loneliness is like fireless winters

and loneliness means you cannot create

your imagination is limited

They show you shapes

You show them strikes

we are together

You all say

And it doesn't matter what

Or who

You could have been once.

What matters is now. What matters is living, even though

even with

even now

that it could be momentary.


	23. War

23\. War

Because war is coming

because your teachers went to fight

because of broken glass

abandoned huts

ashes where villages could be

dead fields of scarecrows and feeding falcons

you burn the fabric


	24. Smoke

24\. Smoke

You like the heat

even though cold is a ballet dancer on stage

Heat is always with you because other people are not

Far from you.

And love doesn't care what you wear and like

Unless it's not yourself and you still

don't know if you do


	25. You

25\. You

Because you have a voice

A choice

A purpose

A reason

A color

A will

And you can do what you want


End file.
